I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
operation have a gay friend backfired
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
