How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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