I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
