dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
