now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
