Got a toothbrush?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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