True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
