so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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