If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I touched a dick in church today
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
