the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
jump out the window naked night went bad
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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