when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
