ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
