Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
