At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
