your room smells of hookers.
And success
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
