we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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