They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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