Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
