my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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