My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
