Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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