I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
