captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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