well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
