just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
