You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
