bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
