I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize