I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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