it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
