Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
