did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
