Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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