I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
