I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
