Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
