The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
