your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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