I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
