i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
