I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
