You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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