The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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