I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
