My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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