you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
