I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
