Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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