I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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