she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
