I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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