my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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