I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
