Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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