My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She needs sedatives and a leash
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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