I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
