ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
