I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
