Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
