he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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