No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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