I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just found puke in my bra..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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