She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
